Why Forbidden Things Are Attractive

Ever since as long ago as the story of Adam and Eve in paradise,  throughout human evolution, forbidden things have always been attractive. Contrary to the goal of their ban, they always become attractive.

To understand the behavioral psychology of the forbidden, one must understand the developmental psychology of childhood, and from there learn more effective strategies to avoid the temptation to what is forbidden.

Curiosity instinct in children

Since we were children, our curiosity has led us to discover the world, to be interested in our surroundings, and to experiment with new things. This is part of how we learn, right from early childhood.

It is a basic instinct to learn, grow, mature, all in all to survive. Nothing, and no one can take it away from childhood; We like to explore, experience things directly, and discover new things.

At this stage, forbidden things result in very strong curiosity, a desire to know more about what is forbidden, and thus it becomes more attractive and irresistible.

For children , what is not talked about does not exist, or at least it is not interesting. If you want a child to stay away from a certain place, do not insist that they are not allowed to go there. Instead, show them alternative places they can go, which will generate curiosity and attraction towards something that is not problematic.

Youth: a time for self-affirmation

Teenagers need to confirm who they are, but they are still trying to get to know themselves and discover themselves. A necessity for them in this phase is to refrain from parental behavior, to distinguish between their own ideas and to define their own path.

During this process, their budding characters and personalities mature , and they therefore need their own space to make decisions so that they can feel that there is a clear difference between them and their parents.

At this stage, prohibition is just another reason to differ from the doctrines given to them since they were young. So what is forbidden becomes more attractive, as it separates them from their parents and confirms them as a distinct and unique person.

When we tell a young person that there is something they can not do, it is better to explain and clearly define the reasons why this is the wrong choice. Always show respect for their individuality, their opinions and their decisions. Since in most cases, they will inevitably learn from their own mistakes.

If this is the case, you can try to get an agreement, where you negotiate both positions to find something that benefits both adult and teenager.

And, no matter what, it’s important to keep in mind that no matter how much you forbid a youth to do something, if they want to do it, they will find a way. So a deal is always better than an argument that will result in them distancing themselves physically and emotionally.

The freedom to be an adult

Adult life is the years of freedom, maturity, responsibility and commitment. It is when you are free to choose where you want your life to go, be independent of your parents, and make your own decisions that will mark your life.

From this point forward, no one else has the right to determine the course of life; Only you can do that. And you will also respect the right of people around you to make their own decisions.

At this stage, the ban causes us to reject the person who tried to impose it on us, which makes the ban attractive. We want to show the world that we are masters of our own lives, and that nothing and no one can decide for us.

All adults have the right to make their own decisions, even if they make the wrong choice. So you just have to respect the decisions of others. You can express your opinion about it, as long as you do not forbid, judge, threaten or mock them.

Prohibited things, an attractive alternative

Since forbidden things generate all sorts of different types of emotions, attitudes and reactions that are contrary to what it is trying to do, it is obvious that we must learn to express ourselves in a different way, and respect the developmental process in which the other person finds himself.