The Trick For Good Communication

By communication we mean all the actions that are intended to send a message to others, who then receive the messages correctly. Defined in this way, it seems so simple that it is a bit absurd to write an article about it, but in reality, communication is much more difficult than we think. It requires certain skills and a lot of practice.

In fact , most interpersonal conflicts come from poor communication, and therefore it is important to learn to develop this ability if you want more satisfying, better social conditions.

People are often quite visceral. We act automatically, which can lead to problems when we interact with others. How often do we regret something we said to someone we love! How often we could have avoided conflict if we had expressed ourselves better!

Why are we so bad at communication?

According to experts, there are two main theories that explain our insufficient communication skills: the deficit theory and the motivation theory.

According to the deficit theory, things are not going well because we are ignorant. It is that we have no idea what to do and how to do it to have good relationships with others. As we mentioned earlier, we learn to read, write and solve problems, but no one teaches us how to communicate effectively or solve the problems that come from this lack of efficiency.

On the other hand, the motivation theory says that we have poor interaction because we lack the necessary motivation to get closer to the people we interact with.

But if you think about it a little more, you can add another theory: demand theory. When you argue with someone and get too upset, it’s because you demand that the other person be the way you want them to be, not how they really are. So, as a way of trying to change them, you confront them, yell at them, and become hostile or air lists of complaints about them.

Therefore, the first and most important step is to become aware of reality: people are not going to change to satisfy you, and you should not demand that someone be the way you want them to be.

The change starts with yourself

So who needs to change? Well, not the other person, but yourself. Every change you want to make in your life must start with your own will and your own actions. And this is because you are the only person you have control over.

Forget about controlling the other person, because you can do nothing to change them. What you can do is move your own pieces and restructure the game board. In other words, if you change what you do, the other person will react differently. But they will never change because you got mad at them; they will simply raise a defensive wall.

You need to look inside yourself and become aware of how you communicate, whether they help you or make your problems worse, and whether you need to change them. If you want to change, it will be helpful to have a diary of how you behave in social situations and analyze whether your behavior is effective and try to change it if it is not.

The trick to good communication

It’s a trick to communicate effectively, but it’s not magic. That is, you must be prepared to make an effort to change, because it will not happen overnight. Below we show some effective communication techniques that will help you improve your relationship with others, argue less and feel better around other people.

• Disarmament: this means finding truth in what the other person is saying. You must remember that, first and foremost, there is no such thing as absolute truth, and secondly, no one is completely right about anything. Therefore, put your ego aside and recognize the truth in the other person’s argument. This way you open the door for the other person to listen to you. They will feel more understood and relaxed, and they will be more willing to listen to you.

• Empathy: This means putting yourself in the other person’s shoes and feeling what they are feeling without having to share meaning with them. For the other person to feel empathetic with them, you need to repeat their words, acknowledge their feelings, and pay attention to what they say.

• Ask: You are not a psychic, which means that sometimes things go over your head, but you are too embarrassed, lazy or afraid to ask for clarification. It is necessary to ask questions so that you can avoid misunderstandings and learn more about how they think and feel. Questions should be asked delicately and respectfully.
• “I feel that…”: Never start a sentence with “you” in a way that blames them, e.g. “You make me nervous,” or “you’re an idiot.” The only person responsible for your emotional state is you and no one else. You feel bad because you want the other person to be someone they are not, and that’s absurd. Therefore, you need to be responsible for your emotions and say how you feel.

• Affection: Always end the conflict with something positive and pleasant that shows the other person that you appreciate them, even if you are sad now. This will make them feel more peaceful and less defensive.