The Psychology Of Forgiveness: Move Forward

The psychology of forgiveness is also a form of detachment.  It refers to an action where people let go of the gnawing that gnaws on them and that they are caught by. It allows us to accept what happened and allows us to move on.

It is also a restructuring of the “I-one”, a psychological way to repair damage and negative emotions to find inner peace little by little, day by day.

Every time we look for research and references regarding the psychology of forgiveness, we mostly find works and documents related to personal growth, the study of morality, and even the world of religion or the spiritual world. But are there scientific studies on what forgiveness means, how to forgive, and what it takes for us physically and emotionally to take that step?

The answer, of course, is “yes.” In fact, the American Psychological Association has had a lot of work and research on what is forgiveness and what is not, and how our historically conflict-affected societies have not always been able to move forward in this sense. It is a dimension that in turn is the key to our mental well-being.

In fact, many of us may have a piece on our shoulders, a problem with a fact of the past that diminishes our present happiness. In turn, it reduces our potential ability to build a more satisfying gift. Somehow we retain a little bit of anger towards something or someone that we have to let go of in order to begin to be healed.

Forgive to avoid personal wear and tear

The best way to dive into this area of ​​psychology is by distinguishing between what forgiveness is and what it is not.  Forgiveness does not mean telling someone that what happened at a given time was good or not. Nor does it mean that we accept the incident or reconcile with the person who has hurt us. And it does not mean that we must force ourselves to feel closeness or pity for that person.

The psychology of forgiveness actually gives us the right strategies for us to be able to do the following:

• Assume that things happened the specific way.  Nothing that happened at that particular moment in our past can be changed. Therefore, we must stop thinking about or imagining how things could have been if we had done something different. This causes us to lose energy, courage and health.

The psychology of forgiveness tells us again that  we are not obligated to understand or accept the values ​​or thoughts of the person who has hurt us.  To forgive is not to offer pardon or seek justice for what we suffer. We should never give up our dignity.

• It is more about facilitating the bitterness of grief,  taking away layers of anger, the intensity of despair and the blockage that prevents us from breathing. For this it is necessary for us to stop hating the person who has hurt us.

Understanding

On the other hand, it is an important aspect that we usually forget. Forgiveness is the cornerstone of a relationship, whether it is partnership, friendship, etc.  Remember that not everyone sees things the way we do. In fact, there are as many perceptions, approaches and opinions as there are days in a year.

Sometimes we assume that certain acts are violations or acts of contempt when there is a simple disagreement or misunderstanding.

Therefore, and to stop seeing betrayals where there is none,  we must be able to expand our sense of understanding and the ability to forgive.

The psychology of forgiveness: the key to health

Dr. Bob Enright of the University of Wisconsin is one of the most famous experts. He has analyzed cases, conducted studies and written books on the subject for more than three decades. He has concluded something that may attract our attention. Not everyone can achieve that; We are not all able to take the step of forgiveness.  The reason for this lies in the belief that forgiveness is a sign of weakness.

This is an error. One of the best ideas in the psychology of forgiveness is to do so. Taking that step gives us the opportunity to integrate new values ​​and strategies against stress and anxiety in ourselves. It also allows us to move forward with more freedom in the present. Forgiveness is an act of courage and strength.

Dr. Enright also reminds us that there are many reasons to take the step toward forgiveness.  The best concerns our health. There are many studies that show the close relationship between forgiveness and reduction of anxiety, depression and other disorders that reduce the quality of life completely.

To forgive the other person

Let us use some of the following strategies to pave the way for forgiveness:

• Forgiveness is not to be forgotten. It is learning to think better and understand that we are not committed to simplifying reconciliation.  At the same time, it is to accept what happened without feeling “weak” by taking that step. To forgive is to free ourselves from many burdens that we do not deserve to bear for life.
• Evil takes away our energy, spirit, and hope.  Therefore, we must learn to forgive in order to survive, to live with greater dignity.
• Therapeutic writing and a diary can help us.
• We must also understand that time in itself does not help.  Letting the days, months and years pass does not stop us from hating or forgetting what happened. Let us not take with us the discomfort we feel today until tomorrow.
• Forgiveness is a process.  This is something we must also understand. Maybe we can never forgive the other person completely, but we can download a good deal of all that anger to be able to “breathe” a little better.

To conclude, as we see, the psychology of forgiveness is a very broad field and has a very close relationship to health and well-being. It is a discipline that gives us fabulous strategies to use in any area of ​​our lives, our work and daily relationships. Forgiveness is therefore one of the best abilities and virtues to develop as a human being.