Is It True That You Can Never Really Know Anyone?

In some situations, you may have decided that it is simply not possible to really know someone. This can either happen because they behave in an unexpected way (whether it is in a good or bad way), or because they disappoint you. It may make you think that you should not assume anything when it comes to other people. But is this really true?

The English poet John Donne once said that “No human being is an island, all by itself.” What he meant was that we are all part of a planet. No matter how much we want it to work this way, however, those around you do not always behave as you expect or want them to do.

Predictability feels good to most people. If you expect something from someone, you hope they will. You want to be able to assume that your partner, your family or your friends will react to specific circumstances in certain ways, and that you will always be able to trust them.

Is it true that you can never really know anyone?

The simple truth is that you can never really know anyone. At least not deeply, and not with enough certainty that you can really put yourself in their mental universe and predict with total accuracy what they are going to or will not do.

Accepting just this, however, does not have to be something to worry about. No one has complete control over their own world. This applies to both things and people.

People can change (and sometimes they have to)

One of the reasons you can never really know anyone is that we all have the capacity to change. We are all able to take on new life goals, move forward, mature and even change some of our personality traits. However, this is a controversial idea because many people believe that personality is “determined” when you are an adult.

• However, if you accept this idea, it can help you avoid going from one disappointment to another. We humans change because our life experiences can change, and because life sometimes throws us into situations where we have to rethink things and maybe even rebuild ourselves.
• Studies such as the one conducted by Dr. Nathan W. Hudson at the University of Michigan yielded interesting results. Many of us do not feel completely satisfied with our personalities. Thus, many want to polish their true selves. It involves working through insecurity, strengthening one’s identity and changing certain traits to feel more fulfilled.

This process of change can often involve leaving certain people behind or disappointing someone close to you. As you embark on the path to self-fulfillment, you will inevitably surprise a person or two with your decisions. You may even surprise yourself!

You can never really know someone because you only see them the way you want to see them

It is common to hear people complain about the fact that they can never really know anyone. This usually happens during periods of bitterness and frustration due to unfulfilled expectations. However, the truth is that we all make mistakes, and there is nothing you can do to stop it. At some point, we will all disappoint those who love us or act in a way they did not expect.

However, this is not the only thing you need to consider here. In some cases, you can never really know someone precisely because you refuse to accommodate a different image than the one you have already created in your mind. It could simply be that you are pushing away everything you do not want to see.

Some actually end up building an image of absolute, unrealistic perfection. They assume way too many things. This leads them to idealize the other person and expose them to this exaggerated image of how they want to see this person that they love.

Conclusion

Lewis R. Goldberg, a renowned expert on the subject of human character, says that personality is not always a reliable, rigid place to look if you want to predict how someone will behave in their life. There are other small aspects you do not notice – unseen variables that are beyond your control – that make this impossible.

So yes, it’s true: you can never really know anyone, no matter how close you are to each other. The best option you have is to trust them. You simply have to accept the uncertainty.

As  we all know, nothing is certain in this world. The best thing you can do is enjoy the present and accept that life is synonymous with change, uncertainty and surprises.