I Need Help, I’m Tired Of Doing Everything Myself

I need help. I have used up all my strength. I’m tired of doing it myself and pretending I can do it when I know I’m not doing it. I need a lifeguard, a helping hand who can and will guide me. We have all experienced moments like this, when there is no choice but to ask for help. Getting help from someone else allows us to approach a problem from a different perspective.

It is said that all unhappy people have one thing in common: bitterness. However, bitterness can not be solved with just one remedy because it comes from different places. Some people try to normalize it by accepting it as a part of life. They use this acceptance only to become bitter. Regret, reluctance, mistakes and distorted thoughts act as fuel for the fire which is bitterness.

Not asking for help when you need it is not a sign of strength. It is a sign of weakness. You can not expect others to know what is wrong because you think they should. No one can read your mind. You must dare to say “I need help”. Closed mouths are not fed. Although it is often easier to offer help than to ask for it, there comes a time when you need to ask for help.

I need help

In the 1950s, Albert Ellis, a renowned cognitive psychotherapist, developed what we know today as a rational emotional behavior therapy. There is something worth keeping in mind with this approach. We often reach a state of complete helplessness and despair. We believe that life cannot get worse; that we are a paper boat that operates. But as Ellis would say, “It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to what matters.”

Having someone who can make us see this is extremely valuable. Now we all know that it is not easy to say out loud what we need help with. So, how do you do that? As crazy as it sounds, the person who is most reluctant to help you when you ask is usually the one you need help from.

In addition, the person who needs the most help is often the one who is used to giving help but does not get it himself. So when we finally cross that line and claim the right to be heard, get attention and be taken care of, we do it because we can no longer continue. We have reached our breaking point.

How to know when to ask for help

How do you deal with your reality? If you think it’s out of control, this is when you need to ask for help. Let’s take a closer look. You should ask for help when:

• Everything you feel is disproportionately amplified. A simple mistake becomes fatal or a bad mood lasts for days or weeks. A disappointment immobilizes you or an unforeseen event overwhelms you.

• There are some things you can not stop thinking about. Thoughts cause emotions and experiences that can disrupt your daily tasks and obligations.
• You get recurrent headaches, digestive and muscle problems, suffer from insomnia, or sleep too much.
• Things you once liked lose their appeal.
• You are no longer productive at work.
• Your personal relationships are suffering. You hear things like “You make everything so complicated. I can not even talk to you ”. Even your loved ones openly express that they are worried about you.

What to expect from someone who offers help

When you need help, look for three things. Someone who understands you, someone who will not judge you, and someone who can offer you the resources you need to make a positive change. This person is often a family member or friend that we have probably turned to before in times we have needed it.

However, it is sometimes so personal that we also do not feel comfortable turning to them. This is when you need a professional.

What a psychologist can help with

What a trained and qualified psychologist will offer you are very specific tools you can use to deal with your situation. When you go to a psychologist:

• Do you learn to see your problem from a different perspective. It is a perspective where you have no boundaries. You also learn to stop playing the victim in your own drama, to become an agent for change in your own reality.
• You also learn to see things more clearly. The newly acquired information will help you with self-discovery.
• You will not receive specific instructions on what you should and should not do. A psychologist facilitates and allows you to find the answers on your own. You are the exclusive architect of your changes and decisions.

• You will be able to alleviate your suffering by gaining new perspectives and doing things differently.
• You also get resources to deal with emotions and avoid harmful thought patterns. You can also learn self-control techniques.
• You will be able to define your priorities and act on them.

Going to a psychologist will allow you to adopt an attitude of growth, where you become more self-aware, so that you can approach life with courage, openness and responsibility.

In conclusion, daring to say “I need help” is loud, sometimes more difficult than we want. But just asking for help is a big step.

Asking for support from a trained professional may be the best decision for you. Because whether you like it or not, you can not do everything on your own. There are times when therapy is the perfect tool to help you make changes in your life.