How To Argue Without Arguing?

Is it possible to argue without arguing? For some people, this is completely impossible. But yes it is possible. Although this is a particularly complicated task when the argument takes place with someone you live with, the truth is that arguing without arguing is not only possible, it is healthy. For yourself and for the other person, no matter what the argument may be about.

Resolving conflicts is important, and if the result is positive, the relationship will be enriched. However, there are many who do not know how to deal with opinions that are different from their own in a sensible way without getting angry. At other times, not being able to see one’s own limitations or lack thereof makes it impossible to argue.

Argumentation does not mean that we do it to win

One of the main problems people argue about is that they consider arguments as competitions. A competition that wants a winner and a loser. Many people take arguments very personally, as if not getting to the top is degrading.

With arguments, situations arise that take competitiveness to the extreme. Many encourage violent discussions just to win, to win, to feel strong.

Therefore, it is important to approach their discussions from a healthy perspective. A dynamic that makes people, despite their anger, communicate harmoniously, without trying to impose themselves. To be receptive in the face of the other’s need to express himself.

Suggestions for arguing in a civilized way

It is a popular saying that two people can not argue if one of them does not want to. But the situation can quickly become absurd. Many take advantage of the few who manage to remain calm. In any case, any discussion should be aimed at resolving the conflict or reaching some kind of consensus. Everything else would be a waste of time and energy.

But how can we do this? Soon you will see some strategies that will turn violent discussions into constructive conversations. You need a good dose of patience and self-control. No one said it would be easy.

• Reflect before you start arguing. Ask yourself if you are really looking for a solution or an agreement, or if what you really want is to hurt the other person or feel strong.

• Plan the argument in advance. You can not come up with an argument at any time. You need to find a moment that is good for you as well as the other person. When you both have it all figured out.
• Express your intentions clearly and directly. Do not walk around the porridge, do not blame the other person. Do not focus on the facts, but on the solutions.
• Enter what you expect from the other person. Clarify the change you are proposing and how you expect the other person to behave.

What to do if you find yourself in a heated discussion

The previous advice is valid when you are the one to start the discussion. But what happens when someone starts a heated discussion with you? Many times we have found ourselves responding violently as well, even saying things we have regretted afterwards. And we do not even remember how we got to that point.

There is no doubt that it is very difficult to react calmly and diplomatically when accusations are thrown your way. Or when you are yelled at or provoked. If you were not able to overcome this first obstacle, do not worry. There are still ways to fix it.

• Stop talking and take a deep breath. Take some time to absorb the effect, get an overview of the situation and start again.
• Ask the other person to explain what they want or what is happening. Do not let them continue to scream at you. Ask them to express their opinions.

• Listen to the other person without interrupting. Try to understand their point of view. To do this you need to know everything. When they are done, ask them about the uncertainties you may have.

• Ask them to tell you what they want and what they suggest you do (and how).

What if the other person insists on shouting and provoking you?

Then you have to look at it as a game where the winner is not the one who shouts the loudest, but who can best keep calm. Under these conditions, you will not get anywhere. And if the other person is looking for a war, they will find no greater war than the one they want to unleash on themselves so as not to make you lose your temper.

The best thing to do is end the call as soon as you can. Tell the other person that you want to resume the conversation when they calm down. You are well within your right to demand respect. By doing so, you respect yourself. It does not imply arrogance, but rather self-confidence. You can not ask someone to respect you if you do not respect yourself.