Am I Judged By My Family History?
There is nothing worse than seeing yourself reflected in your parents’ mistakes. In a way, it’s crazy to think how awful it was to deal with these shortcomings. And now, whether you like it or not, they are also a part of you. Is this part of something bigger, like your family history?
The discomfort that this similarity entails is so great that many times there is nothing to do but deny it. This denial leads us to place such errors on others. In psychoanalytic terms, this is known as projection.
It is quite common to repeat patterns in your family history in other circumstances. What you learned when you were growing up is ingrained in you to this day. Realizing this can lead you to ask yourself, “Am I really judged by my family history?” or ” Do I want to make the same mistakes they did?”
Why is your family history important?
Your family history goes beyond genetic studies. You have not stopped learning since you came out of the womb. In fact, you had already learned a few things before you were born. It is normal to imitate what you see every day. In a moment, you express yourself as those around you do. You even learn to deal with your emotions the way they do. In a way, these people become your role models.
It is in fact a stage of development where children are not able to separate their own being from the caregivers. But in later stages, the child develops “himself” and understands that they are independent of their caregivers. This phase is particularly noticeable in adolescence when the individual intends to confirm his “self” and deny his family history.
Furthermore, these caregivers are not just a model, but are somehow the model. Children idealize their parents in childhood. So much so that according to psychoanalytic theories it is a love affair with the parents, known as the Oedipus or Elektra complexes.
Do I want to make the same mistakes as my family?
No, your family history does not condemn you. If you want to be different from your family, you want to be. All the patterns you have seen or learned are permeated by your personality. For that reason, you can sometimes recognize them in yourself. However, they are not the only models you have. Your life experiences also provide structure for this entire framework!
The new relationships you create, whether they are romantic, friendly or fraternal, change all the patterns you have inside you.
In this way, you can consider your family history as a burden. Nevertheless, there is also something valuable that must apply to sustain your generation. Believe it or not, it is possible to perfect and improve your family history.
Anna Freud, daughter of the famous psychiatrist Sigmund Freud, made fundamental contributions to psychiatry with her theories of defense mechanisms. As you can see, Anna Freud continued with her father’s legacy and went one step further.
Improve your family history
As you can see, it is important to understand your family history in order to fully understand how your caregivers have affected you over the years. However, this does not mean that you are destined to repeat what your family members have done. Remember that you do not have to repeat actions you do not agree with. After all, you are an individual.
One of the psychotherapies that focuses more on this perspective is family therapy, since it just tries to shed light on your current family position and even generations ago. This will allow the person to take an active role in the unconscious known patterns that continue to repeat and cause pain.
Ultimately, you are the heir to your family members. Both for the positive things and the legacy that makes you feel proud and for those that give you discomfort. However, you must remember that it is up to your existence to improve this story and pass on the best part of yourself to the next generation.
