I’m Not Tired Of Love, I’m Tired Of Disappointments
We’re all a little broken. We carry our broken fragments, where we try to tie together the impossible puzzle that is our heart. We always long to offer love again. We will love and be loved. However, disappointments have already burned us too much…
It is often said that when we are willing to do something for everyone else, we should be prepared for them to disappoint us at all times. Somehow it is as if pain is always implied when it comes to love, affection and care. But this is not entirely true.
Our emotional and social brain demands the security of a secure bond. Security, all in all, guarantees our survival. This explains why we feel pain when we are disappointed. Something inside us is destroyed, breaks. The secure tape disappears, leaving only a void.
It is possible that on some occasions we build up expectations that are too high for something or someone. This may be true, but we all need certain guarantees that we will not be harmed. Guarantees that the people we choose to offer love to will not disappoint us or destroy that bond with a snap.
No matter how much people tell us, no one is prepared to accept disappointment as something “normal” in our daily lives.
To offer love in spite of all sadness and pain
We are very used to being told that disappointments are not created by inappropriate behavior. Instead, they are created by false expectations that one has about certain things or people. Now, this typical expression does not make sense in any case. Especially when the behavior suggested has been particularly cruel, unexpected or painful.
When you have a good friendship with someone, you do not expect to be criticized by those behind your back. Or when someone grows old, they do not expect to be abandoned by their children. When someone loves and believes that they are loved, they never expect to be abused or humiliated by their partner.
Some disappointments are authentic, genuine, deep and strong. Giving love after these crucial experiences is almost impossible. You need time. You need the needles of time to sew together and repair your wounds. To repair the “broken pieces” that your brain, whether you believe it or not, interpret as authentic wounds.
According to a study published by the journal Proceedings of the Natural Sciences of Sciences and conducted by the emotional psychologist Ethan Kross, rejection, betrayal and deep disappointments are interpreted by the brain as being beaten, as a burning or traumatic physical impact.
The area of the brain that is most activated in these cases is the insula or insula cortex, which is directly associated with pain. All this shows that for the brain, it is a disappointment to break a bond that offered us security. It represented the trust we had in something or someone, which has now disappeared. Giving love back after these experiences is not easy. However, it can be a good medicine to heal your wounds.
Do not get tired of offering love and loving yourself
There are disappointments that do not ruin you. They are simply accepted, as someone who can stand a sting of a rose or who drinks every day from a broken jug that has been repaired with glue and lots of love, because it is your favorite. We heal, forgive and continue. We should not turn our hearts to stone. If you do, this stone heart will always fall into the cold well of discouragement, vulnerability and failure.
Authentic love does not hurt. Sincere friendship does not betray. He who truly loves you can disappoint you once, but never again. Therefore, we suggest that you take a moment to reflect on these simple coping strategies that can help you overcome these complex moments in your life.
A disappointment, in addition to making us suffer, also makes us sensitive. When someone feels fragile, they need to receive love instead of offering it. They especially need to receive it from themselves to rebuild sales themselves, to validate themselves once again with all their integrity, strength and confidence. Something like this can only be given by time and sufficient work from within ourselves.
In addition to time, we need to control three basic emotions: rage, pessimism and impotence. Drawers can tear out our roots and make us believe that nothing will be the same afterwards. Throw these three horsemen of unhappiness out of your heart as soon as you can.
Accept, on the one hand, that you do not deserve what happened to you; but on the other hand, you also accept that you do not deserve to suffer forever. Do not choose anger as your daily food. Do not print your own prescription for suffering as your eternal medicine. The side effects of this are devastating.
Instead, remember something indispensable: Remember to choose yourself. Choose yourself over everything else. Above all, your fear, your insecurity and your bitterness. Choose to have hope again and above all to continue to cultivate what is truly worth it in life: to offer love. Choose to believe that despite all your disappointments, there are still good people out there.
