No, You’re Not A Bad Mother

It seems that people are looking for a pretext to go into “fight mode”. A war rages around motherhood and what being a bad mother means. But as usual, the only ones who are harmed by this are the women themselves.

Worst of all, it is women and mothers themselves who hurt each other and judge each other very harshly depending on how they interact with their children. It is as if there are certain ways that are the only right way to do things, and everything else is reprehensible.

Unfortunately, it is true that it has existed, exists and will exist mothers who leave or neglect their children. Even in these cases, we should not necessarily dismiss a woman as a bad mother, but rather as a woman with problems. Maybe she is wrong or has made a bad decision in her life and did not know what else she could do.

The truth is that these women are the first to feel unhappy, and it is they themselves who have to carry the weight of their decision all their lives. But these are extreme cases, and we do not compare them with mothers who love their children and give everything they can to make them feel good.

Although we have our own way of understanding motherhood and our own ideas about parenting will give our children or what food we introduce in the first year of life, it does not necessarily mean that it is the best and only way for all mothers.

We must be tolerant of other mothers who choose a different way of raising their children. As long as the child or mother is not harmed and they are happy, what is the problem?

Reasons why you are not a bad mother

You are not a bad mother if your decisions take into account both the child’s welfare and your own welfare. Although specialists recommend following certain parenting guidelines, in reality it is the mother who spends hour after hour with her child. She is the one who really knows them and has access to information that no one else has.

We are criticized if we breastfeed for too long, and also if we decide to give food in a bottle. We are judged if we sleep with the child to a certain age, and also if they have to sleep in a separate room when they are small. It is not right to get the baby used to sleeping next to the mother’s breast, but also not to let it cry in its own bed… Can we do something right?

Of course. We do well, in the best way we know of, as long as we use loving arms. That is what the child picks up and what is best for it.

Because not all children are the same : some do not like to be alone in their room, others have no problem with it and sleep peacefully. There are babies who do not get enough milk and need to be breastfed more often, others instead grow quickly thanks to breast milk.

What’s the point of putting your child in their own room after six ways in a radical way if you both are having a terrible time? Why do you have to force yourself to breastfeed if it generates anxiety and you transfer it to the little one? Get negative feelings out of motherhood! It is a time to enjoy, be calm, happy and happy, and thanks to science and common sense, there are options to facilitate this process.

Do not be extreme, not with yourself or with others

As Aristotle said, life should be lived through the golden mean. And it makes so much sense! As mothers, being moderate in our decisions and even more moderate in judging other mothers is the best we can do. It’s not a question of reading every single parenting book that exists and doing what they say because it’s the best, period.

It is also about paying attention to what your instinct tells you. Feel good about your decisions and abandon the habit of judging yourself harshly. The most important thing is that both your baby and you are happy and healthy on all levels: physically and mentally. The best indicator that you are doing the mother role well.

The right to make mistakes

Let us never forget that we are human beings and we have the right to make mistakes and fix them. No, you’re not a bad mother just because you made a mistake. We can start over and fix our mistakes, and it’s not going to be the end of the world.

In fact, there are many professionals mothers can consult for guidance and advice, so it is not wise to correct another mother who seems different from you. Do not be extreme; Moderation is always the best way. Do not miss the most important thing: the best thing a child can have is parents who love them.

Congratulate yourself on how good a mother you are and do not crush yourself if you ever fail. To raise and educate children are processes that can be wonderfully special, but they are also a part of life. It’s time to accept mistakes as part of being a parent. You’re not a bad mother.