When The Tension Disappears: When Are You Going To End A Relationship?
When the tension in a relationship begins to fade away, it is like a perfume that loses its scent little by little. We do not know why, but as each day passes, there is less and less laughter and less longing in our eyes and hearts. Knowing when it’s time to end a relationship is not always easy, but doing it at the right time and in the right way can avoid unnecessary and painful love grief.
We could approach this article in the same way that many people would expect. We could offer guidelines and strategies to recover the lost tension. Everyone deserves a second chance after all. And there are things that are worth fighting for. However, it is a startling fact that often comes up when advising a couple. Many who end a relationship knew for almost a year that they had stopped loving their partner.
As funny as it may seem, the same thing happens with friendship. We often try to keep a friendship that just has nothing left to give. We choose to continue these friendships for various reasons. And yet, these reasons can be summed up in one word: fear. We are afraid to give up something that, until recently, had given us happiness, contentment and well-being.
Fear of being alone fills our heart. We are afraid to be sincere and tell the other person outright that we will not continue the relationship because we no longer love them. We are afraid, mainly, of hurting the other person.
How to know when to end a relationship
The world of psychology has been addressing the issue of failing relationships, and the love that is beginning to fade, for three decades now. Prominent figures such as John Gottman or Harville Hendrix have taught us ways and strategies to save our relationships. We have learned from them what to do to make love. They have taught us about the “riders of the apocalypse” who, according to Gottman, can show us when to end a relationship. We have also learned to distinguish good relationships from those that only bring us suffering.
There is something crystal clear in all this. There are simply some relationships that reach their “expiration date”, without return. Continuing to invest time, effort and emotional energy is pointless when there is no tension or anything there to give sparks again. We have tried again and again, and the results are always the same. Sometimes the barriers are insurmountable and there is a growing distance between those who were once lovers. When it’s just disappointment and dissatisfaction, we know the time has come to end a relationship.
Routines are our enemy
The truth is that there is nothing as uncertain as our hopes and dreams. We can say that routine is their enemy. There are many who do not know how to love as they should. There are many who do not know how to care for others and just take things for granted. We know that when it comes to the heart, we are sometimes not so good at methods, times, and rules. But the truth of the matter is that the tension sometimes fades away. That’s just how it is.
We can give a thousand reasons and formulate the same number of theories as to why or how this unexpected void can arise in our relationships. It can be a disappointment or dissatisfaction with the other person. It may be to see them as they really are without pink glasses. But in many cases, the reason why the tension disappears often has nothing to do with what the other person does or does not do. Often it is we who have changed. Our hearts no longer beat at the same time as theirs. We no longer share the same things we used to share.
What do we do when disappointment arises?
In love, as in friendship, there should be no waiting room. We should also not make excuses, or let time pass to see what can happen. Either you fight for what you love, or you let the person you once loved go to avoid being hurt. There are no magic solutions, and the excitement will not come back by itself if we do not make an effort and make changes. It will not come back if we do not go together in our relationship and try to take it to another level together, transforming our love bond into something more enriching.
But if the sun has really set for our love and friendship, then it is best to act accordingly. Prolongation of the inevitable only generates suffering. To live on false hopes is to feed us with a substitute for love that only causes “indigestion” and only makes us feel bad. This is also contagious and can make the other person “sick” as well. After doing absolutely everything you can, ending a relationship is the only possible and healthy option you have left.
Hopes, dreams and excitement often change greatly over time. We can not always master them. We can not always hold on to them in the form of our relationships. The flame is often extinguished; it is a fact of life. However, it is important that this flame continues to appear along the road. Either by someone else’s side or in ourselves. Always there to guide us, always to give us life.
