The Silent Treatment: Mental Abuse In Disguise
Silence or giving someone a cold shoulder is a strategy often used by people who seem to have good self-control and claim to be more rational than emotional. At the same time, it is not only an expression of passive violence, but also a hidden strategy for psychological abuse. That is, it can deeply hurt the person on the receiving end.
The silence is characterized by one group of behavior with the purpose of ignoring the other. We see it in all kinds of relationships: couples, friends, parents and children, relatives, etc. The use of silence involves a previous conflict. Sometimes, however, the victim of this type of behavior is not aware of the conflict, precisely because the other party has not expressed it openly.
The silent treatment involves actions such as: refusing to talk to someone, not acknowledging what they are saying, pretending not to hear them, distancing yourself or avoiding their company as if they were contagious, ignoring their exact requests or needs or any type of behavior that seeks to make a person feel invisible or invalid.
This type of behavior is quite harmful. Not only does it show immaturity, malice, and lack of emotional intelligence, but it can have serious consequences for the other person. Engaging in this behavior is an attempt to control and harass, and it does not represent anything positive for a relationship.
The quiet treatment can cause stress and emotional trauma
A person who is the target of the silent treatment can feel very intense negative emotions. Ignoring a person means that they are not worth anything, that they do not matter. Things become even more unhealthy when all this happens with a cruel and cold silence, which the victim does not know how to interpret.
People who are ignored are eventually overwhelmed by feelings of sadness that can sometimes lead to depression. They also feel anger, fear and guilt. Ignoring someone is an indirect way of blaming or pointing at them. This is exactly what makes this strategy an unhealthy way of dealing with conflict.
Victims of this type of behavior tend to feel extremely concerned. They cannot understand what they are doing wrong or exactly why the other person is treating them this way. It is as if they are losing control and it is causing a lot of stress. This is why this is considered a form of abuse. There are no screams or blows, but there is plenty of violence.
The quiet treatment also has physical effects
Studies have shown that feeling frozen or ignored can cause changes in the brain. A zone of the human brain called the “cortex” is responsible for detecting different levels of pain. Researchers have proven that this zone is activated when someone receives the silent treatment.
Activation in this zone means that physical symptoms also begin to appear. Some very common symptoms are headaches and digestive problems. Fatigue and insomnia are also frequent complaints. If the situation is serious and long-lasting, serious problems can occur, such as high blood pressure, diabetes or diseases such as cancer.
The autoimmune system is also affected, mainly due to the high stress levels that the situation causes. The consequences are even more serious if the person giving the silent treatment is a government figure such as a teacher, parent or boss.
Learning to negotiate these types of situations
Sometimes the quiet treatment is used by two people who love each other, such as romantic partners, good friends, siblings, etc. Sometimes it is believed that if you use the quiet treatment, the other person will change their behavior or do what you want. they should do. They think of it almost as an educational tool. However, this is very wrong. Ignoring another person as a form of punishment only destroys relationships.
As with many tactics that are defensive and a result of uncertainty, the use of this shows a very poor communication ability. Clarity can be healthy when the temperatures are high and there is a need for a break before something worsens the situation. But when silence is used as a method of control or punishment, it becomes abuse.
No one should passively allow themselves to be ignored by anyone else, at least not without an explanation for their behavior. And no one should try to resolve a conflict with the help of the quiet treatment. When a problem arises between two people, it is only healthy to engage in dialogue to find solutions. Silence and distance only give more problems and, in the end, you solve nothing.
