Relationships: Slaves Of Emotional Attachment

Being in love is a real thing, and the victims are many, even thousands. There are relationship addicts who push away respect for themselves and their dignity every day in exchange for toxic and destructive attachments. These people are characterized by obvious emotional immaturity that quickly turns love into something bitter and harmful.

Relationship-dependent forms never healthy, happy attachments; they find themselves in hostage situations. In their daily lives, these couples find themselves in a cycle of suffering in which they constantly sacrifice their values, morals, emotions and principles.

Therefore, as is usually the case with addiction of all kinds, it is not easy to break a habit driven by a violent need: the need to be a part of someone, to lay at their feet and feel whole, strengthened and successful.  As the brain becomes accustomed to this dynamic, “toxic love” becomes like a toxin. It becomes very difficult to break the cycle. 

How to identify relationship addicts?

Relationships are like any other human being. They have careers, interests, passions, virtues and flaws. There is one simple point we are trying to make: relationship dependence does not discriminate based on age or status, and it can occur in any of us, without us even realizing it. Perhaps without us noticing it, our current relationships have obvious dependent characteristics.

Now, if we dive into what builds a romantic relationship, we might realize a few things. First of all, we want to find out that there are two different types of relationship addicts. The first describes those who always need to have a boyfriend. These people’s thoughts can be summed up as: “ You do not fall in love with the one you love, but the one you can love . The important thing is to love someone, to have someone. ”

The second type of relationship addict behaves like a bear scissors. From the moment they enter into a relationship, they are hooked, stuck in it. They cannot leave the relationship even if it is harmful, even if it goes against the very foundation of their dignity. The two different types thus share certain characteristics. Fear of loneliness, lack of a clear self-identity, lack of self-esteem and a constant search for validation and love from others. Both types resort to extreme behaviors to save the relationship at any cost. They also get extreme anxiety if it seems that not everything is going perfectly.

All of these symptoms that we find in addicts follow almost the same pattern as the symptoms of substance abuse. The brain needs this dose of compulsive attachment. The “industry” the partner provides, even in a toxic relationship filled with infidelity. In this way, little by little we will not be able to control our own behavior. It can escalate to extreme behaviors: panic attacks, eating disorders, and even suicide attempts…

What can relationship addicts do to break the cycle?

It is extremely difficult to quit smoking if you continue to hold the cigarette between your fingers.  Similarly, it is difficult to get out of a relationship based on addiction if we still tell ourselves the same things. This emotional nicotine destroys our self-love.

Some go into therapy and complain that they always fall in love with the wrong people, the most “hurtful” people, they insist. It may seem as if their brain is programmed to fall into the same toxic traps over and over again. Instead of learning from the past and from their past experiences, they find themselves in the same situation over and over again. Why is this happening? Why is it so difficult for these addicted people to stop this behavior?

Basically, it’s because they still have not learned the aftermath of this emotional addiction. Because they are vulnerable, with low self-esteem and a need for love, even if it is unhealthy. They still have some important issues to work on for themselves. Below we will go through some of those issues.

How Can You Deal With Your Emotional Addiction?

• It is incredibly important to see and acknowledge one’s own relationship dependence and its consequences. Be honest with yourself and admit it when not everything is as it should be. Open your eyes and accept reality.
• You need to understand that the emotional and physical structure of a relationship is respect for both yourself and your partner. Without these two, we do not deserve to be loved, nor to be loved. Because if we do not respect anything, it will be destroyed and fall apart.

• In the same way, there is another important aspect to understand. Emotional attachment can be manifested as the compulsive need to have someone by our side, regardless of price, or who it can harm. Extreme attachment corrupts and degrades us. It destroys our potential.
• Often we can end up treating our desires as needed. Behind the phrase “I want to be loved” we hide other desires that we must explore and understand. If we long for recognition, validation, or defense against loneliness, we do not have to take a hostage to cross those boxes. We must be the ones to address the problem first.

People who are addicted must jump into it and ask themselves the simple question: do I want harmful love, or emotional health? If they choose option number two, there is only one way to take. It may seem easy at first glance, but it requires a lot of personal work. That path involves working on your self-esteem, and on building a stronger, more courageous sense of dignity. A dignity that will set you free and help you form richer relationships. Instead of hostages, it will be free people who choose to build something together.