Find Someone You Can Be Vulnerable With
Finding someone you can be vulnerable with is one of the best signs that your relationship is working, according to one of the most important studies on relationships. Although the research was completed in 2013, the new book, The Secrets of Enduring Love: How to Make Relationships Last, shares the conclusions with the audience.
This study showed that a bond of mutual trust is what binds couples the most. It is important to have a place where you can be who you really are, without the pressure of social life, work life or family life that we constantly have to deal with. That feeling of freedom when you are with your partner and know that he or she accepts you despite your mistakes is the key to a long lasting, rewarding relationship.
All relationships go through different stages. No matter what stage we are in, to feel secure enough to be vulnerable with our partner is a good sign that we are in a healthy relationship.
Vulnerability is necessary for a relationship to grow. We need it for intimacy. It allows us to open up to the other person and reveal the most fragile parts of ourselves. These parts make us strong, but they can also cause a lot of damage.
An example of this is that the other person can see how what they do affects us, or we let them see our scars. These are the scars that still affect us today, and when these scars were created they closed a deep, painful wound.
When our partner makes us feel safe
Security is a fundamental desire of human beings, although it is not essential. This is because it is a need that is never completely fulfilled. Conditions are scary, but they also give us the beautiful butterflies. By setting aside this curious paradox, we can say that there are few certainties in relationships.
It’s all about probabilities. In that sense, according to the study cited in The Secrets of Enduring Love: How to Make a Relationship Last , a high level of security (trust) is one of the best indicators of happiness in a couple. Interesting, right?
Love is what nurtures this kind of trust. Most of us tend to have this idea internalized from childhood. We trust those who love us, and at the same time we feel the tendency to love those who inspire trust.
When we trust our partner, the brain produces a state of well-being and security. There is not much room there for stress. And the mutual trust we form with our partner enables us to create a safe space where we can be vulnerable.
Why do we hide our most vulnerable side?
To g jemme or protect ourselves is a natural reaction when we feel that we are in danger. On the other hand, vulnerability can be a powerful voice for this sense of danger or threat.
Many people wear a mask, afraid to show certain parts of themselves. They are worried that someone may use that information to attack them and harm them. But in a relationship , you have to balance that feeling with your need for intimacy. You should be able to enjoy this intimacy. Otherwise, it is impossible to build trust with your partner because trust creates trust.
One of the most complicated things we humans have to do is get to know ourselves. But remember, the more we know ourselves and accept ourselves just the way we are, the less we fear being vulnerable. We will be able to feel stronger in our vulnerability, instead of weaker.
