Expectations And Dissatisfaction In The Relationship

One of the most common problems in relationships today is expectations that are not met. Most of us have a laid back attitude when it comes to painting a picture about ourselves. You tell yourself that this is the big thing, that you finally want someone to share your life with and who can provide emotional stability. Very often these expectations are shattered. Sometimes fast, sometimes over many years. Expectations and dissatisfaction in the relationship often go hand in hand.

People say things like “You are a dreamer, you have to be more realistic” or “Your expectations are too high, that’s why you are always disappointed” . That may be true. You may be looking for something that simply does not exist, a concept shaped by many years of Disney movies and romantic comedies. Maybe you put too much hope in a deficient person that you do not really know yet.

That said, we should clarify one thing. Having expectations is healthy and good. It helps to define what you want yourself, and not just settle for the first person to come. The desire to be happy, loved and validated are all positive, realistic expectations. It is important not to expect things to be perfect all the time, but the challenges should be worth it.

When your partner does not meet these expectations, you feel that something is missing.

What can you do about expectations and dissatisfaction in the relationship?

Expectations form the structure of your relationship, whether it is with your partner, your friends or your family members. Your expectations define what you want in the short and long term and desires and hopes. In short, everything you consider important to feel safe, satisfied and happy. Just as we mentioned above, it is perfectly normal to identify your expectations and expect something from others to some degree.

Problems arise when what you expect is not what you get. The fact that your partner does not meet your expectations may be due to one of two things. The first is that your assumptions about your future with this person were unrealistic and disproportionate. In other words, you fail because you expected the impossible.

The second reason is obvious. Your expectations were healthy and normal, but what you experience does not give even minimal satisfaction. Sometimes disappointment opens cracks in the ground under your feet and takes away your stability. What you live in every day is not what you expected. Love is there, but it’s not enough.

Let’s dive a little deeper, shall we?

Is it bad to have expectations of your romantic relationship?

Today, the idea of ​​living without expectations is very popular. People like to take advantage of the space for the unexpected and let go of their expectations, not just for other people, but for everything. They may be right. But as rational beings, we need to feel that we have at least some control over what happens to us.

Expectations are personal beliefs, assumptions about what you want to happen in the future. They are also sophisticated mechanisms that allow you to anticipate or imagine certain events so that you know how to react to them. That said, is it bad to have expectations of your relationship or your partner?

• The short answer is no. It is not bad to outline a set of expectations about the type of relationship you want.
• However, your expectations should be realistic, appropriate and as objective as possible.
• For example, it is normal to expect your partner not to be unfaithful. It is also healthy to expect that your relationship will last for more than two months, that your partner will support you in difficult times, and that your partner is someone you can trust.

How to deal with expectations and dissatisfaction in the relationship

Many people feel dissatisfied in their relationship. They feel disappointed and even deceived when many things they expected did not happen. Love is there, and you know that your partner loves you back, but many things can drive your relationship into the ditch.

Is there anything you can do when there is dissatisfaction in the relationship?

• The first thing you should ask yourself is “ Am I realistic? “Have you stuck to unsustainable ideas about what a relationship should be like? It is important to clarify where these ideas come from and why you stick to them. If you find that many of your expectations are inappropriate or similar to a fairy tale, it is important to adjust them. Doing so will help you avoid frustration and disappointment.
• Do your expectations coincide with your partner’s? If you feel dissatisfied and things are not going the way you want them to go, it’s time to talk to your partner. You both need to clarify what you expect from each other. Sometimes these conversations help couples discover that their expectations are very different, or that they are neglecting things that are important.

• What do you and your partner do to meet expectations? If you and your partner share similar expectations, it’s time to find out if you meet them and how. Sometimes you take things for granted and assume things, which means you are not actively nurturing the relationship.

Room for expectations and the unexpected

Unfulfilled expectations often trigger breaches. If you feel that your partner is heading for something else instead of making the journey with you, the motivation to stay together will not be there. These are complex situations that most of us have experienced at some point in our lives.

The best thing you can do in these situations is to define some realistic and appropriate expectations that include what you want and what you do not want. Identify your priorities and what you can not live with (cheating, lack of compassion, lies, emotional inaccessibility, etc.). Once you have defined your expectations and shared them with your partner, you can try to make room for the unexpected. Be open to surprises, for the way you and your partner will grow and change together.

You do not have to find someone who meets 100% of your expectations. It’s actually impossible. The key is to find someone whose path complements your own.