90/10 Rule: Change Starts From The Inside

In psychology, there is something called the “90/10 rule” which states that the way we react to events is much more influential than the events themselves. In fact, only 10% of our lives are determined by what happens to us: making a mistake, a delayed flight or a traffic jam that makes us arrive late for work, for example.

The other 90% is directly related to how we react to the 10%. We know that different people react very differently in the same situation. Depending on their initial reaction to the triggering thing that just happened, their day may end up being good or bad.

Keeping this rule in mind is important because it helps us remember that we control most of our lives: 90%. It also frees us from feeling useless emotions by making us see that we have no control over 10% of our lives.

If we are able to use our willpower, we can turn something negative into a one-time thing, or we can even take something positive with us. Want to know how to do this? Read more…

An example of the 90/10 rule

So we have a better idea of ​​how we can put this wonderful rule into practice, let’s look at an example we can identify with. Imagine that you have been working all day on a project that your boss sent you. You have to hand it in soon, but you are finally almost done. Just when you are about to save it, the power goes out and the computer suddenly shuts down.

Now you feel nervous, so you go to the kitchen, and you end up overturning the cups on the kitchen counter. Unexpectedly, your favorite cup, the one you use every morning to drink coffee, shatters. You get even angrier, and you blame your son for using it and leaving it on the bench.

After a few minutes , you try everything you can to restore your work, but you do not succeed. Everything is lost. You get furious, you swear, and you go out to get some air, and slam the door behind you. You are now angry with your son, your wife, your favorite cup is broken and your project is not finished. You’re having a bad day.

What happened? As we see, there is a trigger that makes up 10% of the situation. The stove was turned on and the fuse blown. This is an event that has nothing to do with us. It is an uncontrollable thing that someone else did, without bad intentions. It was a simple mistake.

Instead of investing energy in doing the project again, asking your wife for help, or telling your boss what happened and asking for more time, you have opted for a non-productive response. The whole family ends up arguing over a one-time, uncontrollable event. Is it worth it?

When to put the 90/10 rule into practice?

There are many situations that can trigger dysfunctional reactions. These are times when it is important to remember this rule and use our willpower so that we are not carried away by emotions. The true key is to accept that frustrations are part of life’s game.

If someone judges you

You can not control the judgment and criticism of others because they have the right to think what they want. What you can control is the value you place on those judgments and the meaning you give them. If I can not control what people think of me, why waste energy on it?

If you make a mistake

You can not control your errors. You can learn from them, but still you will continue to do them. That is our nature. You can only control your reaction to your mistakes. You decide if you accept that you are wrong, how severely you should punish yourself, and if you are able to tolerate your own mistakes…

If others do not do what you want

Andreas’ reactions are completely out of our control. To demand that someone be different from how they are is unrealistic and will only frustrate us. It will also endanger our relationship with that person.

If you experience adversity

Living goes hand in hand with experiencing adversity. Studies say that every human being will experience 20,000 accidents during their lifetime. These can be mild, like stepping on dog poop, or serious things like losing a loved one. This is something we should include in our plans, and it is impossible to control. We are only responsible for how we are affected by these setbacks.

So when you are in a situation where you have to deal with something you know you cannot control, put the 90/10 rule into practice. You know that 90% depends on you. If you manage not to get carried away by the 10%, what happens will remain a dump in the road. You have freed yourself from making it a mountain.