4 Signs Of A Relationship Characterized By Abuse

It is not easy to establish specific parameters that can define a relationship characterized by abuse. In fact, the same criteria for defining abuse can apply to all circumstances. But in a strict sense, one can say that abuse is present if one person is  aggressive, exposes others to coercion or scares the other person.

It is abuse when one person uses his position as a person of power or his dominance to control the other person’s behavior to meet his own needs. It is abuse when one person exploits the other person’s emotional or physical vulnerability to their own advantage. There is also abuse if one person is dependent on the other, and their addiction is used to force the other to restrict their freedom of action.

Sometimes abuse is not so obvious because it is not based on physical abuse and verbal abuse. Sometimes it simply involves a systematic process of disability, manipulation and threats, leaving the victim exposed unable to act, respond or make their own free choices. And the abuser justifies their behavior by claiming that they love them or that they only want what is best for them.

But the truth is that in all cases, abuse leaves its scars  on the heart and mind. It fills your life with fear, which is why you need to be on the lookout for the signs that you may be in a relationship of abuse.

1. Fear: an unmistakable sign of a relationship marked by abuse

Fear  is probably the most obvious sign of a relationship characterized by abuse. Sometimes the fear is raw and obvious. You get very tense when you are with the other person  and you are constantly thinking about what kind of punishment or what consequences that defying them might have.

Other times, the fear is more subtle. It can manifest itself as a superfluous concern to always have to make the other person happy. You do not want to give them a reason to be angry, so you are always thinking about what you can do to make them happy.

2. Excessive control over what you do

In a relationship characterized by abuse, the abused must always keep the abuser informed about what they are doing, or even about what they are thinking or feeling. You feel as if you do not have the freedom to move or act without consulting or informing your partner in advance.

This control may also apply to your personal finances, or even the way you dress or arrange your hair. For virtually everything, you need to get their approval, and if you do not, you will have difficulty implementing it.

3. You constantly feel guilty

In all forms of abuse, the feeling of guilt is always present. You feel inadequate and unable to defend the validity of what you say and do. Your abuser constantly criticizes you, and you blame yourself for everything.

One or both of the following situations may occur. Either it seems that the other person is always right, and that their criteria determine how good or bad each of your actions and thoughts are, or you think that they are wrong, but you still never dare to confront them. Both scenarios will end up making you feel guilty either because you fail to live up to their expectations, or in the other case, because you never manage to set boundaries.

4. Threats and coercion are always present

In a relationship characterized by abuse, your abuser will constantly order you to do things that you do not want to do. They may do so by being directly aggressive, or there may be subtle orders and threats. Regardless, the point is that you do not feel like doing anything but feel obligated to do so because your partner is putting pressure on you.

The abuser is very conscious of where their power comes from. If you are financially dependent on your partner, there are threats that will directly or indirectly focus on it. If there is the fear of being beaten, it is their physical superiority they will use. If they get their power from  emotional addiction, they will play with your fear of being abandoned. And so on, and so on.